What Did Heartbreak Change About Me? (An Actual Journal Entry)

Originally written August 6th, 2016 // Edited for all audiences

Knowing myself, I knew I would eventually find the good in heartbreak. Plus, I’m lowkey obsessed with romance and love so I had to find a way to make myself think it wasn’t always so…..come se dice….*fart noise*. I’ve heard from very reliable sources like Twitter and various TV shows that heartbreak is supposed to change you. Both fortunately and unfortunately, most of my changes were only temporary. First, I felt like I was in a different reality sometimes. I would get a random wave of sadness and anxiety after a decent day, and I would feel like I transported to a different plane. It was like nothing was real, but the pain I was feeling and the person I was feeling it for. I listened to songs differently. Movies were way more enjoyable like those people are real and I feel for them. I felt everything harder. In essence, I was an open wound. But now that it’s all gone, I kind of miss it. Music was mind-blowingly relatable which in return made it mind-blowingly good. I was bumping the retail classics (including the country ones) at my job like I was them and I wrote the song. I feel ya’ll. One thing about getting hurt that did stick though, is the songs it almost ruined. For me, it’s Abra’s album ROSE, and her song “I Guess” especially. Even today, when I hear that song I literally feel like I did when my heart was broke. Interesting. Anyway, besides Abra, I feel like I absorbed the lyrics of all new and old love songs. It’s my favorite genre now. Another change that stuck. That’s a good one. Another perk of being heartbroken was my creative juices were flowing more than my puh juices. I was writing all types of different things and I even got way more into psychology for some reason. Brain juices were present as well. Even my tweets on my private account were fire. I guess I was just more thoughtful all around. I wish I took greater advantage of this and wrote more about the whole experience. And I just thought of another change that never went away. You tend to spend a lot of time with yourself when you’re feeling like this (of maybe that’s just me), so another great thing that happened is self-realization and then self-growth. I learned a lot about myself and worked to make me better. Actually, maybe that did go away because I’ve been slackin’. So! I think besides those few points, heartbreak is a gripping, black hole of despair and anxiety that I would not wish upon anyone, except Donald Trump. But now that I know there are some silver linings and that heartbreak doesn’t last forever, love is beautiful to me again. Be nice to your significant others howbow dah. Thanks for reading! Bye, friend.